Interview with Mona Mehra

Homemaking in India!

Credit: By T.Voekler - Own work

Today, I am thrilled to publish an interview with Mona Mehra, an advocate for homemakers from India. She has so many wise insights to offer on homemaking that cross cultural and country lines. I found much to think over regarding the many similar challenges faced by mothers and homemakers in both India and the United States.

Two preliminary notes:

1. I do not think of being a homemaker as excluding paid or unpaid work outside the home. Rather, I think of it as a vocation towards home and family—but one that is compatible with all sorts of other activities besides mothering, housework, and cooking (though those are very important!) Many homemakers I know freelance or have part time jobs -- or do significant volunteer work in their communities.

2. I conceived of this project as a series of interviews with people who view themselves as homemakers. Other professions have career development, professional journals, continuing education, and so forth to help inspire and sharpen skills. I’d like this series to provide a little of that for homemakers.

On to the interview! Let’s talk to Mona.

Our kind interviewee, Mona!

1.      I would love to hear about your educational and work background before you became a mother.

My father was a doctor in the Indian Army and most of my schooling was done in the Army Public School Delhi. I am a Home Science Graduate from Lady Irwin College and I did my master's in Business administration (MBA) from the All India Management Association(AIMA).  I got married in the year 2000.

I started my career with an advertising firm but in 2001 got an opportunity in a business risk mitigation firm that was into business intelligence, due diligence, etc. In December 2001, my boss ventured out, started on his own, and took our whole team with him. I was involved in this startup and entrepreneurship venture since the beginning and was responsible for all their communication and marketing till 2004. After that, I joined other risk management organizations.  

I became a mother in April 2003 when my daughter was born through C-section. We planned the baby after one year of marriage but the delivery was sudden in April 2003 in the 8^th month of my pregnancy. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and there was sudden internal bleeding.  My daughter was kept in the nursery for 19 days and I was on bed rest due to weakness. I recovered with the care given by my mother-in-law and family but I soon realized that bringing up a child is not easy. I was on leave from my job for 6 months after my pregnancy due to my unexpected delivery and for taking care of my daughter.

2.      When you were growing up, were women expected to become homemakers, or were they expected to work outside the home?

My mother was a Homemaker as she had 4 children and used to take care of in-laws as well. She was busy the whole day doing chores and taking care of us or many other things required to run the household.

In those times women were mostly homemakers and used to take care of the household. Most of the teachers we saw in schools were women and that was considered the safest job as it required few hours.

In those times women were not expected to work outside but then there was no respect for them for what they did at home also. 

3.      When did you become a mom? What was that transition like?

I became a mother in April 2003 when my daughter was born unexpectedly before time. Due to high blood pressure, I was on bed rest, and after 19 days of separation from my daughter, I was finally happy to hold my daughter in my arms. She was small and needed care. My husband, my in-laws, and the whole family got together to take care.

The transition from an independent woman to a mother was not easy as I was not prepared for the physical, mental, and emotional changes it brought. Physically I had all bloated up due to the high blood pressure and looking in the mirror gave me shivers due to the drastic change in my physical appearance and I went into postpartum depression.

Mentally, I was not prepared for the responsibility it brought as I was in charge of a new life and had to get up every 2 hours in all the painful stitches to breastfeed and it did not give me enough sleep. My husband did help out but he was also tired after his job. Upbringing is an exhausting process as there are endless things to be done as the child is completely dependent on a mother. I slowly learned to be mentally stronger and learned to play and enjoy with my daughter. Making her eat, smile, and play used to make my day.

Emotionally, the first 6 months were difficult as exhaustion, irritation, and sleepless nights were there. I used to get upset as I did not have any opening for emotionally venting out my feelings (as I do not have my mother or a sister and extended family from my side).  However slowly I learned to let it be and enjoy what I had with the people around me.

4.      How many and how old are your kids now?

I have 2 children. My daughter is now 20 and my son is 13.

5.      How and when did you become a homemaker? (I’ve talked to many women for whom it has been almost an accidental transition, and others for whom it was very purposeful).

I believe I have always been a homemaker.  I come from a Home and go back to one. It is the center and critical part of my life.  I find there are so many misconceptions about who is a homemaker and as I have spent my lifetime defining who is one. Let me ask you a few questions-

• Would you go back to your home at the end of the day?

• Are families nurtured in a Home?

• Do you contribute in some way- (physically, emotionally, mentally, or financially) to nurturing, providing, bonding or caretaking for your family in your home?

If your answer is affirmative, then you are a Homemaker. Homemaker is not about any gender; it is about making a family. A person can be a nurturer or a provider or can be both as every circumstance is different but being a professional and doing paid work does not mean we will stop going home. Everyone regardless that they have a big business or fancy designation in an office does go back home at the end of the day. A home is not a brick structure and is made with love, care, and loads of work which is done by the people living in it.  As much as job or business is required, a Home is critical to our survival as we all start from one and go back to one. We all are homemakers first as we are all involved in the homemaking or familymaking process.

I believe I am a homemaker as well a professional. I make a home and my family as well as pursue paid work as and when I have time.

6.      How did others around you (family, friends, former co-workers) react to your decision to become a homemaker?

I have been in jobs and when my daughter was born in 2003, I joined back 6 months later as I had to take care of her. I have worked in risk management firms and then when we shifted to Pune in 2007, I had to quit my job as my daughter was facing trauma. That time I was repeatedly asked the question ‘Are you working’ and I used to say ‘Yes I do a lot of work as I am taking care of my daughter, I am a homemaker now’. But the condescending attitude of people all around me told me that what I was doing was just not worthwhile. I met so many mothers then who had similar stories and faced similar disrespect.

This incident made me question the system of how when I put a maid/nanny to take care of my daughter it becomes work but if I do it myself it ceases to be work- why?

After Pune we shifted to Noida and in 2010, I had my son and at that time I was on complete bed rest. I had to bring up my son in a nuclear family. In 2013, I joined a risk management firm and managed my job and children and the household, and found that it was too exhausting. I had to undergo a spine surgery in 2014 and had to quit. I went to a school to teach and there a principal of a renowned school asked me ‘How do you build self-confidence in children’ and I said that ‘it does not start from a school but starts from a Home as I have struggled with it so much’. At that point, I looked around and found that the perception of a Home and Homemaker is very bad be it in schools, or colleges everywhere. I started to define a Home and Homemaker in 2015.

The reaction of people around you is based on a perception and that disrespect is faced by any homemaker. As a homemaker, I also faced the same disrespect from family, friends, co-workers, etc.

7.      What do you think are the most important skills to be a competent homemaker? How did you learn or how are you learning them?

I believe the most important skills for being a competent homemaker are Multitasking, management, leadership & teambuilding skills. These skills were learned by me in the process of making my family in my Home. In the organizations where I have worked these skills were polished as I practiced them there as well.

• Multitasking – We are required to manage food, groceries, vegetables, laundry, cleaning, white goods, finances, children's school homework, their upbringing, etc. This skill is very much needed especially when children are young.

• Management- The is a lot of management required to get tasks done. Planning breakfast, lunch, dinner or school studies for upcoming test. Organizing a room for play or parties, staffing if you have domestic help or employees and directing them the work to be done. Directing and communicating with spouse, family and child happens all the time and controlling certain unwanted behavior also is important to instill values in children.

•   Leadership – Parents are the role models that children follow. Parenting is pure leadership as in a Home nobody is watching you and your true nature is revealed and imbibed. You lead, influence and guide a group of individuals closest to you with love, empathy and care.

• Teambuilding – Children are emotional bundles and they require a lot of empathetic care. Communicate effectively with them and they will pick up the best possible habits, vocabulary, and values. Couple communication is also essential for making stronger bonds as parents. We are building a family team of our own with love, care, trust, communication, empathy, and leadership.

8.      What do you think is the most difficult part of becoming and being a homemaker? Any suggestions for those who might be facing similar problems?

Homemaking is a tough task and it requires a lot of time, effort, and work. The number of hours it requires varies with circumstances but when a small child is involved it takes 16-18 hours or more.

Although I have seen that it is not the work you do for the family that is the problem but the pressure created by others around for a mother (role could be played by any gender) to do paid work and prove herself. This is considering that what a mother is doing is worthless. This constant pressure to do the job outside creates mental stress.

As there is no acceptance of the work done in a Home, the homemaker aka mother is belittled with comments and condescending attitudes which eventually erodes her self-confidence and self-worth and makes her unhappy. This unhappiness percolates down to the kids and others in the family. If you are not happy yourself, you cannot spread happiness.  

I tell homemakers to take pride in the work they do. They are making an organization of their own which is building a family and are Familymakers. All the aspects of building an organization be it leadership, team building, human resources development, production, or innovation have a base in their home and they are the nurturers of future leaders.

9.      What do you think is the most rewarding part of being a homemaker?

The most rewarding part of homemaking is that you get to spend time with your children and can personally monitor your child and bring them up your way.  A maid/nanny can never be a substitute for a mother as the intent, energy, and values of a mother are pure.  It was rewarding to be able to play with your kids, teach them how to eat, sit, study, learn, etc., and be there when they need to motivate and guide them.  When I see them happy and empathetic adults, that is the biggest reward for me.

Also, it is rewarding when my kids hug me and tell me – ‘Mom I love you’ or when my son and daughter fuss over me when I am unwell like I used to when they were young.

The time we as a family have fun and laugh together, I feel that everything was worthwhile and I am blessed to be a homemaker and a familymaker.

10.  Can you tell me about your advocacy for homemakers?

Growing up, I felt the pain of the womenfolk who were so disrespected as mothers and wives also known as homemakers that after the painful demise of my mother and aunts, I decided that one day I would find the answer to why there is so much disrespect for this vital role.

After years of continuously looking and researching, in 2019 I finally found the answer to why we do not accept work in a home as work when I asked this question ‘Against what it has to become work’. The reason is we are unconsciously following a policy that work is work only when done for money. Now, let me share with you what is the repercussion of following this policy. If I make a cup of tea in a restaurant it is work, if I make cup of tea for my neighbor for money it is work but if I make this cup of tea for myself in my home it is not work. You see it has to be compulsorily done for money for it to become work but then nobody does anything for money in a Home, then how does that stop being work.  It is free when we do our own work in a Home.

Work done in a Home is called as unpaid work as nobody can put a price on the work of a mother, father, brother, or sister as the intent and emotions behind the task are pure. Since it is free and that is why it does not fit the policy.

This policy we follow disqualifies a Home from living as in a home we do unpaid work and only paid work is called as ‘Work’ worldwide. The definition of work we have created and accepted is completely wrong. In our policies, Home or household work or housework is called as unproductive but critical to survival. How can something which is critical to survival be declared unproductive? Since everything done in a home is unproductive and worthless because it does not fit the policy, a homemaker is also perceived as such. There is no respect for something which is perceived to be of zero value. It means your mother, my mother or any mother never did anything of value.  Respect is a very important factor we consider while doing any work and when there is no respect to a work, nobody does it. We humans are the only species who have declared a Home redundant.

This system is completely against living as nobody can do their own work and this way nobody can make a home. Families are breaking at a record-breaking speed, as family making happens in a home only.  

Homemaker is devoid of any gender and it is the work that needs to be accepted as work. If you are a homemaker, then rest assured that you are doing a very important and vital work without which we cannot exist. It is the policies we humans have made which is causing so much of a problem.

11.  For those who would like to get to know you and your work (both as a homemaker and outside the home) better, where should they look?

My name is Mona Mehra and I am founder Vision Search. I am a Happy Home Coach dedicated to transforming homes into havens of happiness and productivity. My journey began as a risk management professional, but growing up, I felt the pain and inequality in the system in which homemakers operate, experiencing firsthand the lack of respect for their vital role.

My passion lies in cultivating not only harmonious homes but also fostering a positive impact in workplaces and society. I do keynote and workshops on various facets of home life, revitalizing the essence of home and the vital role of homemakers. In recognition of their invaluable contributions, I have pioneered the ‘Familymaker Awards’, an initiative to honor the tireless work of homemakers.

Since 2015 I have been defining a Home and have written 29 articles based on my findings like “Management Jargon applied homewards’ or “Transformational leadership at home’, ‘What is soft in soft skills’, ‘Leadership, entrepreneurship & parenting’ etc. In 2018 I launched my workshop ‘Santulan- Making Gender Differences Work’ which helps men and women to understand each other better so that they can have a more harmonious relationship in a home. The workshop Santulan got a mention in the sustainable development initiative of GlobalGoalCast. I have done panel discussions on the topic of ‘Unfolding the Leadership skills of your child at home’, ‘skill building at home’ ‘Mother leadership’, ‘father leadership’, ‘remuneration of homemaker’ etc.

On 8^th October 2023 I concluded the first of its kind awards ‘Familymaker awards’, to honour the work of homemakers in Noida, India. Since we honored both men and women, sharing the article on the event 'breaking gender stereotype'.  https://www.linkedin.com/posts/mona-mehra-46196014_familymaker-awards-breaking-gender-stereotype-activity-7119996023833264128-xbrH?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android

My vision is to regain respect for Home & Homemakers. I plan to take the Familymaker Awards across the world and do keynote speeches, workshops on various aspects of familymaking to change the perspective of people. I showcase the similarity of operations between a Home and an organization to create awareness that leadership, EQ, soft skills & other skill-building have their origin in a Home only. 

If you wish to connect with me, mail me at mona@visionsearch.co.in

For more details of the work I have done do visit my website and social media handles. I would be glad to connect.  

My website – www.visionsearch.co.in

My social Media Handles-

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/mona-mehra-46196014/

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/mona.mehra.161

You Tube- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6FGob3WL-eowJ8TuhjLLTg

Readers, I loved Mona’s emphasis on “Familymaking” as well as her efforts to battle the lack of respect for homemakers. I would welcome your thoughts below.