An Interview with Susie Wales

Isaac Levitan, Cornflowers, 1894

I am so pleased to publish an interview with Susie Wales, a homemaker and writer who is also an adoptive mother. Susie left the paid workforce after adopting her oldest child as a newborn. She has some very special perspective to offer on adapting to both the big and small waves that we all face in what Shakespeare once called “the tide of the affairs of men.”¹

Two preliminary notes:

1. I do not think of being a homemaker as excluding paid or unpaid work outside the home. Rather, I think of it as a vocation towards home and family—but one that is compatible with all sorts of other activities besides mothering, housework, and cooking (though those are very important!) Many homemakers I know freelance or have part time jobs -- or do significant volunteer work in their communities.

2. I conceived of this project as a series of interviews with people who view themselves as homemakers. Other professions have career development, professional journals, continuing education, and so forth to help inspire and sharpen skills. I’d like this series to provide a little of that for homemakers.

Our kind interviewee, Susie!

1. I would love to hear about your educational and work background before you became a mother.

I was a full-time middle and high school English/Language Arts teacher for five years, a part-time nanny, a culinary arts student, and a photographer’s assistant for a couple of years. When my first son was born, I was working part-time as a fitness instructor and a sous chef at a community kitchen. 

2. When you were growing up, were women expected to become homemakers, or were they expected to work outside the home?

I grew up with a mother who stopped working outside the home when her children were born. I am the fifth of seven children, so by the time I was around, my mom had connected with friends who were also full-time homemakers. I didn’t grow up with the expectation that my full-time work must be homemaking, but I was certainly influenced to believe that it was both a possible and worthwhile choice. I also knew that if I chose that path, I’d be able to find a supportive community and resources to do the job well. 

3. When did you become a mom? What was that transition like?

I became a mom in 2016 when my first son was born. He joined our family through adoption as a newborn baby. The process of becoming a mother began a few years prior, when my husband and I experienced infertility and miscarried twice. We soon realized that having a family might not come as easily as we had planned. Then we went through the process to be approved to adopt through an agency.  Two weeks after being approved, we were matched with an expectant mother who chose us to adopt her son, who was due three weeks later. We brought him home from the hospital and began our life as a family of three. We initially expected a wait time of 1-2 years to adopt. So we quickly transitioned from believing it would be years before we would have children to welcoming our first son in a matter of days. It was a quick adjustment but also a tremendous gift to be able to become a mother to my son. My husband and I enjoyed a wonderful, exhausting, and sweet first few months as we all adjusted amidst the haze of new-parenthood-fatigue. I was buoyed by encouragement and prayers from many family members and friends during that time. 

4. How many and how old are your kids now?

We now have three sons, ages 71/2, 6, and 4. 

5. How and when did you become a homemaker? (I’ve talked to many women for whom it has been almost an accidental transition, and others for whom it was very purposeful).

I became a full-time homemaker when my first son was born. I moved into the role pretty naturally.  

6. How did others around you (family, friends, former co-workers) react to your decision to become a homemaker?

Others around me were supportive. 

7. What do you think are the most important skills to be a competent homemaker? How did you learn or how are you learning them?

Some of the most important skills are…

1. Persistence (I must keep going in the face of personal limitations and unforeseen obstacles). 

2. Organization (I must set up and maintain systems, so things don’t run amok). This is my weakest area as a homemaker. When I was single and married, I could run my household without relying on many systems (or even following through with the ones I managed to establish). Having three children in the mix has shown me how untenable my previous organizational habits were. Over the years, I have learned from others in my life and have (with some success) implemented systems around food, clothes, house cleaning, social calendar, etc. It has been a long process of trial and error. I have also had to let go of my vision of the rosy ideal so I could move forward with what is in front of me.

3. Posture of trust (I have to be relentless in choosing to trust my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to supply me with energy and wisdom because left to myself, I regularly feel like disengaging or giving up).

8. What do you think is the most difficult part of becoming and being a homemaker? Any suggestions for those who might be facing similar problems?

Without a doubt, my job as a homemaker has been my most challenging work. One of the most trying aspects of it has been learning to adjust to the constant nature of the work. Several years in, I am still surprised by how much attention it requires. It involves continually maintaining the systems that keep things humming along. A big part of my work involves anticipating needs and planning and preparing things ahead of time. There’s hardly a moment when something couldn't be set up for the next thing (tidying a room, moving the load of laundry, cleaning a counter, prepping veggies for a meal, etc.) I spend most of my waking hours emotionally and mentally invested in my work as a homemaker, actively engaged in tending to my husband and children and home. And if I am not actively engaged, I am often mentally working out plans. In light of being “on” so much as a homemaker, it has become imperative for me to recognize and attend to my personal needs (for space, solitude, time outside when I’m not keeping tabs on children, etc.) so I can be replenished and come back to my work with the vigor it demands.  Thankfully, I have a husband who sees this and supports me in this way. 

9. What do you think is the most rewarding part of being a homemaker?

I love being able to create an atmosphere in my home that is warm and marked by connection and creativity with the people I hold most dear. It is gratifying to know that my work is not just nice, but essential to our family culture. When I see my husband and children developing personally and bonding together as a result of my efforts to establish a sense of stability and care, it motivates me to continue to serve. It also reminds me that my labor is meaningful in the lives of my family.  

10. For those who would like to get to know you and your work (both as a homemaker and outside the home) better, where should they look?

These days, I share online most consistently through my monthly newsletter, The Roundup. 

Readers, like Susie, I often find the “always on” nature of homemaking to be challenging. I would love to hear your thoughts and perspectives on that!

1. For fellow Shakespeare fans, this is from Julius Caesar, spoken by Brutus:

“There is a tide in the affairs of men

Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;

Omitted, all the voyage of their life

Is bound in shallows and in miseries.

On such a full sea are we now afloat;

And we must take the current when it serves,

Or lose our ventures.”