Today and tomorrow, I’ll be publishing two interviews from different stages of motherhood. Today, I’m so pleased to publish this interview with Sara Dietz, who has much to share on homemaking and mothering littles. I wish I had possessed Sara’s wisdom when my kids were as tiny as hers (I think at the time I was mostly still very much on the struggle bus of new motherhood).
Such a beautiful interview with so many good points. This is one that stood out: “I want structure. I want control. I want to do the same thing on the same day of the week every week until I die. And that’s just not how life works, so I’m learning on the job how to roll with the punches a little more.”
It took me way more than two kids to learn this, to really internalize it (we’re going on eight). Homemaking can tempt homemakers into assuming they have a measure of control that just doesn’t exist, and going out (like Sara does) introduces uncontrollable elements. This is hard but also extremely necessary. I learned this with young kids, that they needed and I needed to be out of the house, around other people, with various but gentle surprises, in addition to being at home with schedules and structures, to make us well-rounded. It’s fairly easy to fall into way too many activities as kids age, but to go the opposite way when kids are young--like you the mighty homemaker can keep it all together if you just stay at home. This rarely turns out well if sustained too long (obvious exceptions for early infanthood, significant illness, horrible winter weather, etc). But going out with real people in real circumstances, or letting them in--what a blessing that Sara has such a community around her, like those who bring over food and coffee! This is truly invaluable--is part of being the family of God. Not least of which is: go to church regularly, and actually as often as you can.
Such a good point! Isolation is no good for anyone, and this includes moms with young children - we are relational beings, and we need to see other people. Mothers need to talk with other adults and, most importantly, have real friends!
I joke in my bio that I’m an introverted caretaker of an extraverted toddler—but it’s really not a joke at all! She does so much better and thrives so much more when we get out and about, have fun experiences, cultivate a social life that fills both of us up… she’s really good for me, and I can only hope I can “grow up” a little and be that same good for her 🥲
And yes, your point about making it to church often is so, so important. It often feels intimidating or overwhelming to try to juggle them (even when it’s not just the three of us so I’m outnumbered) but there’s so much grace there—for us, for our children, for the wider parish community, and for the Church as a whole. One day, one Mass at a time!
I love what you said about cheerfulness. It’s something I struggle with too. I’ve likewise found that using silly voices or making up silly songs for not-so-liked activities really helps during a cranky day.
Yes! And random dance parties. There have been times when I’m just so frustrated, and I put on some happy, can’t-help-moving song like “The Fox” by Nickel Creek, and by the end everyone is breathless and smiling. It eases me (us) into a happier frame of mind, like the ray of sunshine coming through the sulky cloud that can just hover and hover.
Yes, the making up songs! “This is the way we xyz” and literally anything to the tune of Baby Shark 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 can help save a morning or a chaotic bedtime!
Sara, thank you for sharing your story about Raphael. I'm so sorry for your loss and so grateful for the gift of you baby's eternal soul to the church.
It was a rough transition for me. I went from being a full-time academic scientist to a full-time stay at home mom. I suffered from all the feminist woes about how I had given up on a career and how I disappointed so many people. I also was living with my mother at the time which didn't help, she was a perfectionist par excellence, and with two small babies that was not an easy thing to take. Then we moved to a place in the country where I was isolated and had no friends. I would have regular rants with my husband about why didn't he take the kids to the doctors or why didn't he help more around the house. Poor guy. Then we moved again. I got pregnant with my third. They were ages 5, 2 and zero and I just about lost it. I was put on bedrest and I didn't know how I was going to cope. Since I'm Catholic, I did the usual thing. I turned to the Blessed Mother and said, "Help!! I don't know how to be a good mother, please help." And what happened? A really good Catholic mom of five showed up and arranged meals and childcare for the rest of my pregnancy. Blessings galore! We moved yet again and this time I managed to find a community of moms and that was life-saving. I learned a lot, I had fun, and my children also had fun. Community is so important, especially for young mothers staying at home. Isolation is a sure ticket to dottiness or ultimate depression. I still felt the. slight distain, or looking down the nose from women with careers. There is definitely a culture on both sides of the divide: women who live as stay at home moms think working moms have made the wrong choice, and women who have careers think stay at home moms are letting down the side. This is unfortunate, divisive, and undercuts everything that feminism is supposed to be about. It's not about careers. It's about having the option to do what you think is right, about having choices.
Such a beautiful interview with so many good points. This is one that stood out: “I want structure. I want control. I want to do the same thing on the same day of the week every week until I die. And that’s just not how life works, so I’m learning on the job how to roll with the punches a little more.”
It took me way more than two kids to learn this, to really internalize it (we’re going on eight). Homemaking can tempt homemakers into assuming they have a measure of control that just doesn’t exist, and going out (like Sara does) introduces uncontrollable elements. This is hard but also extremely necessary. I learned this with young kids, that they needed and I needed to be out of the house, around other people, with various but gentle surprises, in addition to being at home with schedules and structures, to make us well-rounded. It’s fairly easy to fall into way too many activities as kids age, but to go the opposite way when kids are young--like you the mighty homemaker can keep it all together if you just stay at home. This rarely turns out well if sustained too long (obvious exceptions for early infanthood, significant illness, horrible winter weather, etc). But going out with real people in real circumstances, or letting them in--what a blessing that Sara has such a community around her, like those who bring over food and coffee! This is truly invaluable--is part of being the family of God. Not least of which is: go to church regularly, and actually as often as you can.
Such a good point! Isolation is no good for anyone, and this includes moms with young children - we are relational beings, and we need to see other people. Mothers need to talk with other adults and, most importantly, have real friends!
I joke in my bio that I’m an introverted caretaker of an extraverted toddler—but it’s really not a joke at all! She does so much better and thrives so much more when we get out and about, have fun experiences, cultivate a social life that fills both of us up… she’s really good for me, and I can only hope I can “grow up” a little and be that same good for her 🥲
And yes, your point about making it to church often is so, so important. It often feels intimidating or overwhelming to try to juggle them (even when it’s not just the three of us so I’m outnumbered) but there’s so much grace there—for us, for our children, for the wider parish community, and for the Church as a whole. One day, one Mass at a time!
I love what you said about cheerfulness. It’s something I struggle with too. I’ve likewise found that using silly voices or making up silly songs for not-so-liked activities really helps during a cranky day.
Being cheerful is so hard, especially when in the sleep-deprived baby stage. Cultivating optimism and warmth is both a gift and a skill!
Yes! And random dance parties. There have been times when I’m just so frustrated, and I put on some happy, can’t-help-moving song like “The Fox” by Nickel Creek, and by the end everyone is breathless and smiling. It eases me (us) into a happier frame of mind, like the ray of sunshine coming through the sulky cloud that can just hover and hover.
Our dance party song lately has been “Saint Thérèse” by the Stillwater Hobos! It is, as our 2yo says, “a bop song”.
Yes, the making up songs! “This is the way we xyz” and literally anything to the tune of Baby Shark 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 can help save a morning or a chaotic bedtime!
Anne thank you for that thoughtful comment! So insightful.
Sara, thank you for sharing your story about Raphael. I'm so sorry for your loss and so grateful for the gift of you baby's eternal soul to the church.
It was a rough transition for me. I went from being a full-time academic scientist to a full-time stay at home mom. I suffered from all the feminist woes about how I had given up on a career and how I disappointed so many people. I also was living with my mother at the time which didn't help, she was a perfectionist par excellence, and with two small babies that was not an easy thing to take. Then we moved to a place in the country where I was isolated and had no friends. I would have regular rants with my husband about why didn't he take the kids to the doctors or why didn't he help more around the house. Poor guy. Then we moved again. I got pregnant with my third. They were ages 5, 2 and zero and I just about lost it. I was put on bedrest and I didn't know how I was going to cope. Since I'm Catholic, I did the usual thing. I turned to the Blessed Mother and said, "Help!! I don't know how to be a good mother, please help." And what happened? A really good Catholic mom of five showed up and arranged meals and childcare for the rest of my pregnancy. Blessings galore! We moved yet again and this time I managed to find a community of moms and that was life-saving. I learned a lot, I had fun, and my children also had fun. Community is so important, especially for young mothers staying at home. Isolation is a sure ticket to dottiness or ultimate depression. I still felt the. slight distain, or looking down the nose from women with careers. There is definitely a culture on both sides of the divide: women who live as stay at home moms think working moms have made the wrong choice, and women who have careers think stay at home moms are letting down the side. This is unfortunate, divisive, and undercuts everything that feminism is supposed to be about. It's not about careers. It's about having the option to do what you think is right, about having choices.