An Interview with Ruth Gaskovski

Still Life with Apples and a Pot of Primroses, Paul Cézanne

This morning I am thrilled to publish an interview with Ruth Gaskovski, whose work at

School of the Unconformed

I greatly admire. Ruth offers the perspective of a mother and homemaker who has been growing in her homemaking “career” for almost twenty years. It’s invaluable. I am sure I will read her responses below again and again, gleaning something new each time. I hope you enjoy her words as much as I do.

Two preliminary notes:

1. I do not think of being a homemaker as excluding paid or unpaid work outside the home. Rather, I think of it as a vocation towards home and family—but one that is compatible with all sorts of other activities besides mothering, housework, and cooking (though those are very important!) Many homemakers I know freelance or have part time jobs -- or do significant volunteer work in their communities.

2. I conceived of this project as a series of interviews with people who view themselves as homemakers. Other professions have career development, professional journals, continuing education, and so forth to help inspire and sharpen skills. I’d like this series to provide a little of that for homemakers.

On to the interview! Let’s talk to Ruth!

Our kind interviewee, Ruth.

I would love to hear about your educational and work background before you became a mother.

I grew up in Basel, Switzerland, where I enjoyed wonderful, rigorous schooling balanced with lots of free play and hiking in nature that was integrated into school days. My high school years focused on modern languages, and so I had the opportunity to add French, English, and Spanish to my Swiss German mother tongue. As a teenager I became utterly infatuated with the Anne of Green Gables stories by L.M. Montgomery, which led me to apply for an exchange student year in Canada. This changed the trajectory of my life as, after returning to Switzerland to work as a nursing assistant for a year, I decided to immigrate to Canada (this experience often leads me to advise young women to go and travel, but to make sure that they return back home, because being close to family is so valuable once children enter the picture). I completed an undergraduate degree in Psychology and a Master’s degree in Applied Linguistics. During my studies I met my husband Peco, and together we spent some years on an island at the edge of the continent, where I worked as the ESL coordinator at a university. Apart from its administrative role, this position included instructing courses in oral presentation, academic writing, and language test preparation. It also allowed me to serve as the Vice president of the local TESL (Teachers of English as a Second Language) chapter, hone my social coordination skills by creating conversation partner programs, homestays, and creating memorable events and field trips for international students. Over the years, the skills I had acquired during my education and work experience, have translated and expanded in manifold ways to homeschooling, homemaking, and motherhood.

When did you become a mom? What was that transition like?

We welcomed our first child in 2005 on a windswept island, away from family, during an emotionally tumultuous time. Neither my husband nor I had any interest in religion, and were drifting through life propelled by secular ideals of satisfying personal interests, following success, and pursuing pleasures. The arrival of our daughter was a wake-up call. Our self-serving existence was suddenly turned up-side down, or rather inside-out, as love was directed outward toward her, rather than our selves. When she was four months old, both my husband and I decided we needed to redirect our lives toward God. As you can guess there is a long story behind this, but suffice it to say that we were blessed and started our journey as followers of Christ. The transition to motherhood was thus firmly tied to a new life in its truest sense.

How many and how old are your kids now?

My husband and I have three children: a daughter who is 17 and in her second year of university (but still living at home), and two boys aged 15 and 11.

How did you embark on a “career” as a homemaker, and how has that “career” changed as your children have grown?

I started out as an “accidental” homemaker. When our daughter was born, all my professional life seemed to pale in comparison to the importance of the task before me: to love, nurture, and raise a new human being. In Canada, the maternity leave lasts one year, and when the term neared its end, it was unimaginable to me to hand her off and not be involved with her throughout the day. My professional coordination and teaching background nevertheless naturally integrated into my life as a homemaker (actually, I think many of these skills are simply baked into my nature). Already starting around three months after our daughter’s birth, I connected with other moms and hosted weekly coffee hours with “babes in arms”. Within a couple of years these meetings transformed into a forest walk group, moved on to various iterations of homeschool gatherings, and eventually culminated in a large classical homeschool program.

I had a very unique situation that allowed me to have immense support in daily homemaking tasks: we lived with my mother-in-law. To some readers this would be a “never would I ever in a lifetime” scenario, and I have to admit that this had been my initial reaction as well (I used to think I could make it work for three weeks at most). Yet, when my husband and I experienced our conversion, we also decided to turn back toward our family and open our hearts to connecting closely with them. I especially insisted on this, much to my own surprise. Thus after having lived over 2000 km removed for five years, we moved into my mother-in-law’s townhome with our baby daughter. It was truly a blessing. “Baba” (as Macedonian grandmothers are called) readily helped with dishes, cleaning, folding laundry, and even cooking and baking treats.

This practical support allowed me to focus my energy fully on mothering, educating, and using my gifts to coordinate various programs in my community including an early education co-op, public speaking groups, spelling bees, speed math, and hands-on science classes for middle and high school students. I could not possibly have done this without the practical support from Baba on the home front, and she is thus in part responsible for offering so many families these opportunities. Reflecting back on her support brings into relief how a woman who grew up in a small Macedonian mountain village, with only basic elementary schooling, nevertheless contributed substantially to the education of her grandchildren and droves of my homeschool co-op students over the last decade. Having an additional adult to help occupy a child so that I could complete a simple task like taking a shower, shopping, or preparing dinner, afforded me a deeper fountain of patience than I would otherwise have had. When reading over Lara d'Entremont’s and Dixie Dillon Lane’s experience with their initial struggles of motherhood, it makes me realize that the presence of a supportive grandparent likely made a tremendous difference during the most challenging phases of motherhood.

As the children have grown older my role of homemaker has transformed from being in charge of meals and creating an orderly home, to “apprenticing” them into their future tasks as homemakers. This means that they contribute more to housework, but as cleaning is not a natural instinct, it needs to be part of an explicit routine (I fully admit that we are not perfect in this!). It also means that they have discovered the joys of baking and cooking, and often ask to learn how to prepare some of their favorite dishes so that they will be able to cook them for their own families. Actively contributing to cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking etc. also helps them to appreciate how much work goes into running a household, and leads them to offer a ready hand more easily as well as to express their gratitude to me.

Finally, as the children are now more independent, I have been able to explore new avenues for sharing my homeschool expertise and thoughts on family and technology, for a couple of years via a weekly radio show, and now by writing on Substack. Yet, I keep my family in the forefront of my mind, ensuring that they come first and that our time together is not compromised (my oldest son in particular is excellent in keeping me in check if I sit too long in front of the screen!).

How did you develop your skills as a homemaker over time?  Which skills have been most important to you?

Over time, the most important skills have been the balancing act of relationships, a wholesome routine, education, and a (moderately) orderly home.

I put relationships first on the list because if our interactions are off, nothing else works: The clean house does not matter if we are frustrated with each other; learning can’t happen if we are hurried; and eating meals with hardened hearts is just dreadful. Thus showing care and patience in our interactions, being quick to forgive and resolve, and demonstrating our love and appreciation for each other make our home a place where we want to spend time together. Again, we are far from perfect in this, but when we manage it, all in the world seems in order.

With regard to the wholesome routine, our consistent rhythm to our day has been starting with breakfast followed by a walk through the neighbourhood or forest, school work, a shared lunch, an afternoon quiet time for reading, and a coming together again for dinner. This sounds idyllic, but is actually hard work. It takes commitment to keep life simple, to reduce outside commitments to a level where I don’t turn into a taxi driver, and to prioritize time with each other over time with others.

Another important skill is what I call “triaging”. Case in point yesterday evening: dinner is on the stove, an essential cable for a computer connection has suddenly disappeared, vinegar and baking soda explosions are making a mess in the garage, and a French essay needs proofreading –- all of these issues come with requests to be addressed immediately. Assessing urgency, addressing each task, all while keeping generally calm, compares to the skill of a domestic ER doctor.

Over the years I have added several practical skills to my homemaking arsenal including baking, knitting (I love simple patterns and have knitted over a dozen sweaters and endless numbers of scarves), and preserving strawberries and tomatoes. I started baking our own bread when our daughter was little, simply because I wanted her to taste the wonderful flavors I grew up with in Switzerland. During one of our visits to my family back home, I collected all the cookbooks I could fit in my small suitcase, and was equipped with traditional recipes ranging from Easter breads to fondue and special Christmas cookies. Thus, I became a good cook and baker mostly in order to keep connected to the food of my home country. The children would frequently participate in baking; indeed my youngest son has just been declared our home’s apprentice baker, taking over the weekly bread baking task.  

How has your view of motherhood and homemaking changed as your children have gotten older?

When I first anticipated motherhood I did so with the realization that there would be challenging times, but also with the delusion that I would be able to manage them swiftly and smoothly. I was thinking with the mind of an individual who had not yet learned that having children stretches one’s emotions and patience to extremes that cannot be imagined, only experienced. In her most recent piece Rachel Fenton stated "…in no other place will I see my flaws more clearly. These souls I’ve been given to steward will encourage me to work towards wholeness; towards holiness." I think while we are single, we can be under the illusion that we are a strong and patient person. Little ones will tear that illusion down pretty quickly and start to expose the weaknesses that we need to work on. The repetitive daily tasks do not go unnoticed by children; they attend to our work, how we do it, and whether we show patience or hurry. Each task you complete shows your dedication to them, grows into their marrow, and affirms that they are loved and valued. In a world where they will face battle, you are providing the fundamental armor of love they will need.

When the children were younger it was easier to feel a certain sense of control over the home. The laundry is folded, lessons are done, and life seems generally ordered. Their daily lives and needs were not very complex, and my role as a parent was thus quite simple as long as I could muster the required patience and endurance. As the children have gotten older, they have each developed into quite uniquely wonderful persons with vastly different interests from building RC planes and bouldering, to wilderness survival and hosting table top RPG groups, to teaching French and running book clubs at cafes. My role as mother has changed from simple caretaking to taking the time to get to know each child’s personality, their strengths, weaknesses, and gifts, and helping them grow in their unique ways. More recently, my daughter has started to ask to be taught how to prepare certain meals to ensure that she will be able to cook her favorites for her future family. Thus my role is now more actively focused on explicitly passing on homemaking skills to my older children.

Over time, I have appreciated more deeply that mothering and homemaking are a tremendous responsibility full of joy and challenges that has helped to form new persons while transforming me. We are taught to associate career with monetary currency. I have come to realize that my chosen career comes is paid richly in currencies of time, relationship, tradition, personal and spiritual growth, and love.

What have been the most significant difficulties and rewards of mothering and homemaking?

One of the greatest rewards has been that life has been amplified. Through sharing my days with my children I have experienced the discovery (or rediscovery) of the joys and marvels of the world alongside them, and it has given me profound appreciation for creation. Having witnessed our older children growing up into confident, competent, socially skilled young adults over the years,  has also added a deep appreciation for all the time we have been able to spend together. All of our children participate actively in discussions around the dinner table (ranging from current events, to Substack articles, RC boat designs, and stand-up comedy), which is my favorite part of the day. In moments where everything seems way to chaotic and exhausting, I remind myself of my mother’s wise words: “One day it will be silent, and you will miss the noise and that no there is no one to leave the toilet roll empty.”

One of the greatest challenges has been getting used to a new way of communicating with my teen-aged children. Once they were past their toddler years, it was as simple as giving instructions and having them followed (albeit at times reluctantly). They seemed mostly content to cooperate, because they had learned that I was reasonably flexible with their requests as well. The teenage years not only come along with waves of hormonal and physical changes, but bring forth a whole new person burgeoning with views, habits, needs, and preferences that may differ from mine. Add to that the challenge of the technological barrage that teenagers face on various fronts, and finding a balance that allows for digital tech use while not being consumed by it. This is a tremendous task that takes deliberate and patient persistence (and especially requires that one leads by example – teens are keen hypocrisy detectors). I recall that one of my husband’s remarks was that now the home felt filled with four adults, rather than two parents and their children. This change in dynamic is a natural part of growing up, but requires an adjustment in how issues are addressed and solved. It also demands new depths of forgiveness, love, and patience.

When I look back over what I have written in response to the questions here, I realize that it all sounds neatly tied up. Mothering and homemaking is complex, often unpredictable, but also deeply instinctual. I want to offer some final words of encouragement to young or struggling mothers: whatever challenge you face, your children will grow out of it and you will grow through it. Every minute you give of yourself to your child, no matter how banal or repetitive it may seem, grows into their bones and will not be forgotten.

For those who would like to get to know you and your work (both as a homemaker and outside the home) better, where should they look?

You can find me on Substack at School of the Unconformed, writing on family, education, and navigating daily life in the Machine Age. Together with my husband Peco, I offer practical guidance and encouragement for staying grounded in reality. The newsletter is free and it would be wonderful to have readers join in on the conversation!

I was struck by Ruth’s recommendation to young women that they should travel - but also come back home to be near family, if possible. I myself studied for my master’s degree in Paris, France, and the experience was deeply formative. I too would wholeheartedly recommend that any young woman (or man) live abroad if they can while young. Readers, I would love to hear all your thoughts on this interview, but especially on whether there are any experiences that prepared you particularly well for adulthood, parenthood or homemaking.