An Interview with Lara d'Entremont, Homemaker and Author

Irises, Vincent Van Gogh

Today we are discussing homemaking and motherhood with Lara d’Entremont, whose writing on the weight of both external and self-imposed pressure on new moms gave me so much to think about.

Two preliminary notes:

1. I do not think of being a homemaker as excluding paid or unpaid work outside the home. Rather, I think of it as a vocation towards home and family—but one that is compatible with all sorts of other activities besides mothering, housework, and cooking (though those are very important!) Many homemakers I know freelance or have part time jobs -- or do significant volunteer work in their communities.

2. I conceived of this project as a series of interviews with people who view themselves as homemakers. Other professions have career development, professional journals, continuing education, and so forth to help inspire and sharpen skills. I’d like this series to provide a little of that for homemakers.

On to the interview! Let’s talk to Lara!

Our kind interviewee: Lara d'Entremont

I would love to hear about your educational and work background before you became a mother.

At eighteen, I completed my first year at Bible college. The summer after that, I married my high school sweetheart, and we decided I would finish my education online from home so my husband could continue his work at his father’s sawmill. However, we soon learned that living on only his income wouldn’t allow me to continue my education. Since then, I’ve worked in fits and starts on my BA in Christian counseling when financially able.

When we realized I wouldn’t be able to continue my education, we decided that I would remain at home so I could work on building my career as a writer. During that time, I also worked for a couple of local families as a “mommy’s helper.” I would care for children, prep meals, do laundry, do housework, and the like. Both of those experiences were formational for me as a mom and homemaker as I learned from two godly mothers, but one of them was especially formative as I helped care for newborn twin boys—because I went on to have my own twin boys!

When did you become a mom? What was that transition like?

Around two years after being married, my husband and I had our first son. While I had much experience in the practicalities of raising children and tending a home, I don’t think anything can prepare you for the physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that comes with it. I struggled with depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), but kept those issues mostly hidden away because I feared what they said about my character as a believer. How could a believing mom have such intrusive thoughts, be so sad even though she had a healthy baby, and lack such trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness?

As part of my OCD, I faced much turmoil and grief over my inability to keep up with my home like I used to before my first child. Again, I believed it reflected my character that I couldn’t keep the floor streak-free, the laundry up to date, or fend away dust bunnies. I had to come to see that motherhood is full of seasons, and in certain seasons our abilities will look different. It took years to come to terms with this and to stop relating my goodness with the cleanliness and order of my home. It wasn’t until my second healthy pregnancy that I got the help I truly needed for mental well-being.

How many and how old are your kids now?

I have three boys: a five-year-old and nearly three-year-old twin boys!

How and when did you become a homemaker? (I’ve talked to many women for whom it has been almost an accidental transition, and others for whom it was very purposeful).

My transition was very intentional by the time I married my husband, but all my growing-up years I had a much different view of what my future would look like. Neither of my parents completed university, and very few in our family had. My mom, out of the goodness of her heart, wanted to see me go to college and get a well-paying job, and many of my teachers and family members praised my grades and encouraged me toward a college education and a full-time career. This became my goal, my lifelong dream. It seemed like the only way forward.

However, I also grew up in more conservative Christian circles that taught me that being a stay-at-home mom and homemaker was the only choice for a believing mother. On one side, I felt embarrassed when I couldn’t financially complete my degree; meanwhile, I likewise carried much shame for ever desiring to pursue my dreams in writing on the side.

Over the years, I’ve come to learn a healthier outlook from both angles: Now, as a stay-at-home mom, I love my role and never want to give it up—not because I would be ashamed to, but because I love being at home with my kids and being their primary teacher. But I’m also working on building my writing during naptime and bedtime, which “refuels” me to keep being the best mom I can be for them.

What do you think are the most important skills to be a competent homemaker? How did you learn or how are you learning them?

For me, the most important skills are internal: How I view my work and my own well-being. I can tell when my perspective has shifted from joy to duty or contentment to shame. This happens when I let the voices of others dictate what my role, home, and children should look like rather than what God has called me: a life of faith (trust in him alone for salvation), rest (resting in the gospel), and faithfulness (fulfilling the commands he has given me).

As for my own well-being, when I forget the good limits God created in me and strive to push past them, I ironically can no longer fulfill the role God has called me to. When I don’t get enough sleep, sin comes more easily. When I compare my abilities with another mom’s abilities, I stop meeting my particular family’s needs to look more like her. When I take on too many responsibilities, my family receives a burnt-out mom.

What do you think is the most difficult part of becoming and being a homemaker? Any suggestions for those who might be facing similar problems?

What makes the role of being a homemaker difficult is that we live in a culture that idolizes efficiency and production. Our culture values having something to show for all the hard work we’ve done. Meanwhile, the roles of homemaking and motherhood are often anything but efficient and or productive. Homemaking and motherhood are all about relationships, and as Sarah Mackenzie wrote in Teaching From Rest, relationships are anything but efficient.

Like everyone else in the church, children are sanctified slowly; it can take years to see any fruit from our labors. Relationships require slow, patient work of cultivating trust, love, and character. Building a welcoming, hospitable home takes time, and we don’t always have a way of seeing or displaying that reality. It’s more than cozy furniture and warm paint colors. It’s a work that begins with our own hearts and how we treat those who step through our doors—another aspect that takes much time to develop.

Many look down on our roles and work, and some would even say we’ve spoiled our intelligence. We must keep our eyes set on what God has called each of us to—not that mother or this woman—but what lot he has drawn for us and what resources he has put in our hands. We need to be able to silence those who only want to condemn and point out the negative and remember our “why” for choosing this life.

What do you think is the most rewarding part of being a homemaker?

For me, it’s watching those tiny, small moments build towards something greater. Seeing my son put his fist down and run to me instead of hitting his brother after years of working towards it. After all the times of feeling alone when we first got married to now hosting a Bible study in my home and chatting with young women who are in a similar place I once sat in. Where my mother and my grandmother used to take me out to the woods and show me the various trees, plants, and creatures, I now do the same with my little ones. I love getting to see all these connections and building blocks, though I often grow impatient in the slowness of it. 

For those who would like to get to know you and your work (both as a homemaker and outside the home) better, where should they look?

I have two newsletters through Substack:

1.   Renewed in Truth where I share personal essays, literary reflections, and creative essays to help women see the ties between faith and fiction, theology and praxis.

2. Orderly Prose where I share about the writing life and how to improve your work as a writer, particularly in the more technical aspects such as grammar, punctuation, angles, and structure.

I also have a book coming out in January called, A Mother Held: Essays on Motherhood and Anxiety. In this collection of creative essays, I never strive to answer the “why?” to our cries but display the sovereignty and goodness of our Heavenly Father, both when our greatest joys and worst of fears come true. In each story, I lead my readers through my battle with anxiety in the early days of motherhood—not to show the world my own perseverance or to draw pity, but to cast my readers’ gaze on the One who carried me through it all.

After reading Lara’s beautiful writing, I was reminded of how difficult it is as a mom to ask for help when you need it. Often we are expected - sometimes by society, sometimes by ourselves - to just “solve the problem” or “figure it out.” Readers, have you struggled to ask for help? Have you been able to help other moms who needed assistance? I’d love to hear your stories about this important topic.

Also, if you would like to be interviewed for this series (or would like to suggest someone), please let me know! I can be reached at: Ivana.d.greco@gmail.com.