An Interview with Haley Baumeister from "Life Considered"

Drawing by Alfred William Parsons

This is the first in what I hope will be a series of interviews with homemakers.

Other professions have career development, professional journals, continuing education, etc. to help inspire and sharpen skills. I’d like this series to provide a little of that for homemakers.

As a preliminary note: I do not think of being a homemaker as excluding paid or unpaid work outside the home. Rather, I think of it as a vocation towards home and family—but one that is compatible with all sorts of other activities besides mothering, housework, and cooking (though those are very important!) Many homemakers I know freelance or have part time jobs -- or do significant volunteer work in their communities.

With that said, on to the interview!

I would love to hear about your educational and work background before you became a mother.

To go way back, I grew up an educational mutt, between public school, 3 years at a classical school, 2 at a Lutheran school, then back to public high school (where I also partook in dual-enrollment classes at the local community college for free college credits.) As for college, I got my undergraduate degree at a private Christian university in Tennessee. The prospect of leaving my Minnesotan roots --for warmer weather and a new culture-- was appealing! To be honest, though, I did not have a clear direction for those studies. I ended up choosing a degree in Business Administration degree with an Economics concentration, but also benefited from being formed in the many fires during that time. My work background from there on out becomes... eclectic. I've worked at a banking company, as a nanny a few times, as a social worker with Child Protective Services (for domestic violence cases), as a 6th grade ELA teacher at a Title 1 school (after getting certified), as an Academic Enrichment Coordinator at a non-profit (working with youth in Upper Manhattan), and up until becoming a mom, as Office Support to a Pediatric Pulmonary clinic. 

When did you become a mom? What was that transition like?

My husband and I got married July of 2018, and welcomed our first of three sons in December of 2019. He was born the day my husband was supposed to walk for his PhD graduation. We also moved 2 weeks later (from Missouri to Long Island) for post-doctoral work. The little guy slept on the road and in a laundry basket in a few hotels! So, my transition to motherhood was already marked by big changes: A new state, new living space, new church, new job for my husband. And then the pandemic shut-downs hit when our firstborn was 3 months old. Because every single thing in our life was new anyways, the isolation didn't really hit us as it may have others. In fact, we made fast friends with two other families from the church. They were also there for short-term professional work, away from family. I look back on that first year of motherhood now really fondly. Those friends were a gift, and made a potentially awful and isolating first year of motherhood actually quite amazing. It also helped that aside from the common struggles of navigating breastfeeding technicalities and learning to care for a baby on little sleep, my transition was mentally and emotionally quite smooth. 

How many and how old are your kids now?

We now have a 3.5 year-old, a 2.5 year-old, and one a few days shy of 1 year. (Yes, for a couple months there we had three boys under the age of three!)

How and when did you become a homemaker? (I’ve talked to many women for whom it has been almost an accidental transition, and others for whom it was very purposeful).

I knew I wanted to the primarily caregiver for our kids -- especially in the younger years. Between the pull toward the benefits of being home with little ones, it also made financial sense. Not having pursued educational or professional options that were clearly-defined (or, let's be honest, well-paid) the cost/benefit conclusion was that I would take the reins on the home front. This felt right to us both. Between the pandemic, two cross-country moves, and 3 kids of childcare age, I'm not even sure how any other arrangement would have worked anyways!

What do you think are the most important skills to be a competent homemaker? How did you learn or how are you learning them?

Organization! Its not the answer Instagram would tell you (though I love a welcoming home aesthetic.) Truly though, there are endless aspects to the life of a home -- and the people in it -- that requires thoughtful organization. Diligence in this background work is less visible in homemaking spheres. A peaceful home life is impacted by how we steward its parts. We can do so  imperfectly, but we do not have to be hot messes! To be fair, organization is a natural skill I possess, and love to exercise. But I also am one to want to margin for spontaneity and rest, to fly by the seat of my pants when desired. For me, that looks like having way too many Google Docs of lists - things I want to remember, refer to, or print out as needed. It mean creating a finance spreadsheet with multiple tabs. It means organizing a refrigerator family prayer list for days of the week. It means having conversation questions out and at the ready. It means starting a physical recipe book (after years of looking up internet recipes or winging it... which I also do.). Add for my favorite and most helpful example: It also looks like having a master spreadsheet of how we are stewarding the categories of our hearts, souls, minds, bodies, and the many aspects of the home (those are literal tab categories.) It may look excessive to anyone else, but it is how I can function keeping track of really... everything at glance. It's printed out more or less every week and written on as needed. The all-in-one approach takes the fatigue out of keeping track of endless categories of notes to self or topics to discuss or things to remember. We've started looking over it during a Sunday evening "marriage check in" as we plan for the week ahead. 

The more granular matters of meals and budgeting are also important to tackle as a competent homemaker. But alas, I am still learning best practices for our family, so will let someone else share their strengths in those areas!

What do you think is the most difficult part of becoming and being a homemaker? Any suggestions for those who might be facing similar problems?

For myself, areas of difficulty surround matters of time - for friendship and for quiet. We are still relatively new in Wisconsin after moving here for my husband's work. During a time where our home is filled with three boys under the age of four, matters of their care are quite intense and the needs almost all-consuming. For those for whom being a homemaker is also equated with being their children's primary caregiver, developing relationships can be tricky (although there are a lot of factors here). My husband and I recently started a rhythm (thanks to Justin Whitmel Earley's suggestion in his book Habits of the Household) where he will come home by 4pm on Tuesdays for "Boys Night". They hang out and he handles dinner, bathtime, and bedtime. I am free to have the space for whatever it is I need -- to read, take a walk at the park, work on something, meet a friend, listen to an audiobook in the car, stare into the silence, anything. Husbands also need time for friendship and space to just be. Balancing all of this is tricky, and we are still navigating how to do it well. But that is one rhythm we've implemented in a very intense season of parenting. 

What do you think is the most rewarding part of being a homemaker?

A vocation oriented toward home and family is rewarding for the freedom and creativity of it! Though challenging, I have loved how being the maker of our home allows me ownership that is endlessly creative. I have so much freedom in that. It has truly challenged me to be diligent is ways I didn't need to previously, to be free to do things on our schedule, and to work with my husband in creating the family culture we want. There is a lot we are still figuring out. But I'm grateful for this current vocation that gives me the margin to cultivate the tangibles and intangibles of family life -- while being present for all the tender, wild, and funny parts of their baby and toddlerhood. Tangentially, it's also been rewarding to cultivate my own intellectual curiosity in the cracks. Far from being mindlessly stifling, I have found myself flourishing more intellectually as a mother than I ever have before. Add I hope that, too, is a gift to my family.

For those who would like to get to know you and your work (both as a homemaker and outside the home) better, where should they look?

Along that last point, you can find me on Substack at Life Considered. It's where I seek out and share roundups of the Good, True, and Beautiful I've enjoyed that week.

Readers, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the most important skills of homemaking. And if you’d like to be interviewed for this series, please let me know!